Today (December 17) is the day that Rumi was reunited with the Beloved.

Ghazal 1716 is one of my favorites, and apropos of today's remembrence.

Tonight, take my spirit totally from my body, so that I
may no longer have shape and name in the world!
At this moment I am drunk in Thee - give me another
cup! Then I may be obliterated from the two worlds in Thee,
and be done with it.
When I have been annihilated through Thee and be-
come what Thou knowest, then I will take the cup of non-
existence and drink it, cup after cup.
When the spirit becomes radiant through Thee,
when the candle lights up - if not consumed by Thee it is raw,
raw.
Give me now the wine of nonexistence instant by
instant; when I have entered nonexistence, I will not know
the house from its roof.
When your nonexistence increases, the spirit will
prostrate itself to you a hundred times - oh you to whose
nonexistence thousands of existences are slave!
Give me wine, measure by measure! Deliver me from
my own existence! Wine is Thy special grace, intellect Thy
general grace.
Send up waves from nonexistence to steal me away!
How long will I pace the Oceans shore in fear?
The snare of my king Shams al-Din is catching
prey in Tabriz, but I have no fear of the snare, for I am
within it.

-- Ghazal 1716
Translation by William C. Chittick


If you bake bread with the wheat that grows on my grave
you'll become drunk with joy and
even the oven will recite ecstatic poems.
If you come to pay your respects
even my gravestone will invite you to dance
so don't come without your drum.
Don't be sad. You have come to Gods feast.
Even death cannot stop my yearning
for the sweet kiss of my love.
Tear my shroud and wear it as a shirt,
the door will open and you'll hear
the music of your soul fill the air.
I am created from the ecstasy of love and
when I die, my essence will be released
like the scent of crushed rose petals.
My soul wants to leap and join
the towering soul of Shams.

-- Ghazal (Ode) 683
Translated by Azima Melita Kolin
and Maryam Mafi

Hello! It's been a while since I posted...again. Please forgive me. First, I was dealing with the loss of my Grandma, and then I bought and moved to a house in another state.

So today, to make up for missing several weeks, I will post a few belated pieces to honor my Grandma Louise. All of these come directly from my copy of The Essential Rumi, as edited by Coleman Barks.

For Louise McDivitt, whose life was filled with song:

A Wished-For Song

You're song,
a wished-for song.

Go through the ear to the center
where sky is, where wind,
where silent knowing.

Pour seeds and cover them.
Blades will sprout
where you do your work.

*

Untitled

Let your throat-song
be clear and strong enough

to make an emperor fall full-length,
supplicant, at the door.

*

The Reed Flute's Song

Listen to the story told by the reed,
of being separated.

“Since I was cut from the reedbed,
I have made this crying sound.

Anyone apart from someone he loves
understands what I say.

Anyone pulled from a source
longs to go back.

At any gathering I am there,
mingling in the laughing and grieving,

a friend to each, but few
will hear the secrets hidden

within the notes. No ears for that.
Body flowing out of spirit,

spirit up from body: no concealing
that mixing. But it's not given us

to see the soul. The reed flute
is fire, not wind. Be that empty.”

Hear the love fire tangled
in the reed notes, as bewilderment

melts into wine. The reed is a friend
to all who want the fabric torn

and drawn away. The reed is hurt
and salve combining. Intimacy

and longing for intimacy, one
song. A disastrous surrender

and a fine love, together. The one
who secretly hears this is senseless.

A tongue has one customer, the ear.
A sugarcane flute has such effect

because it was able to make sugar
in the reedbed. The sounds it makes

is for everyone. Days full of wanting,
let them go by without worrying

that they do. Stay where you are
inside such a pure, hollow note.

Every thirst gets satisfied except
that of these fish, the mystics,

who swim a vast ocean of grace
still somehow longing for it!

No one lives in that without
being nourished every day.

But if someone doesn't want to hear
the song of the reed flute,

it's best to cut conversation
short, say good-bye, and leave.

*

Where Everything is Music

Don't worry about saving these songs!
And if one of your instruments breaks,
it doesn't matter.

We have fallen into a place
where everything is music.

The strumming and the flute notes
rise into the atmosphere,
and even if the whole world's harp
should burn up, there will still be
hidden instruments playing.

So the candle flickers and goes out.
We have a piece of flint, and a spark.

This singing art is sea foam.
The graceful movements come from a pearl
somewhere on the ocean floor.

Poems reach up like spindrift and the edge
of driftwood along the beach, wanting!

They derive
from a slow and powerful root
that we can't see.

Stop the words now.
Open the window in the center of your chest,
and let the spirits fly in and out.

*

Untitled

Dance, when you're broken open.
Dance, if you've torn the bandage off.
Dance in the middle of the fighting.
Dance in your blood.
Dance, when you're perfectly free.

so when my boyfriend goes down on me, when it builds up and i'm digging it, it starts to get uncomfortable where it feels like a tickle fight and i feel like i need to pee really badly (but i don't); is this considered a normal part of climaxing? do other girls enjoy this? i just feel like i need to stop but like that's a bummer, not being able to get off on oral. now i just feel hesitant about being eaten out and i don't want this sensation to ruin oral for me. when i end up doing is biting my hand and wait until he does something else.

and not really a concern but a curiosity, how long until it stopped hurting for girls after they started having sex or how long until they started enjoying it?

I searched the memories and didnt find any on this topic.

I happen to be a girl who enjoys giving head as if it were a favor to me (unless being forced to do it) I get a rush from it and it definitly never feels like a chore. I have met others who agree but not many. any one else?

So, I looked in the memories and I couldn't exactly find a story that fit my situation so I figured I'd give it a shot. Let me give you guys a little bit of a back story. I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 28. We've been together for 7 months and we've known each other for 6 years. We've been throw alot in the last 6 years. I was with another guy for the last 3 years, that was very abusive and ended in a rape and a pfa. He has survived cancer twice. We dated once when we were younger and we decided to give it another go.

After my long term relationship ended, I wanted nothing to do with a serious relationship. So I dated casually and I did have one or two one night stands. They were fun, the sex was great and I didn't have to commit to any of them. When I was in the 3 year relationship, the sex was horrible. I felt trapped, like I was an object, I was resentful and I had no drive at all. And Now that I am out of that relationship, my drive is amazing. While I was casually dating when I was with someone, I could tell them exactly what I wanted, how I wanted ect. I had no problem. I was not self-conscious at all. I was actually very dominant.


When the boyfriend and I started dating, that all changed. When we started having sex, I got nervous. Foreplay was no big deal, I had no problem making out and all that, but when it came to the part where he pants actually came off, I found myself being very nervous and unsure of myself. I of course pushed through it, thinking it was maybe me just liking him to much, that I didn't want to mess anything up or me trying to be perfect. I've always been very comfortable with sex. With the people I've been with, being able to openly discuss it, and now its all changed.

My boyfriend on the other hand, is completely different. He is shy even though he says he isnt. He is on celexra, which is an anti-depressant, which I thought could be the problem too. When we first started to sleep together, you could tell that he was nervous, and usually its a big turn on when a guy is intimidated by me, but not this time. And yes, he has called me intimidating. I of course was very dominate, because if I wasnt, I feel we would have gotten no where fast. The first couple of times, I was very dominate and then I started to ease off, giving him more control and such, which is a nice change of pace. Well, that is were it all went downhill, I think.

We started to have a shot or 2, before anything sexual started. I think it calmed both of our nerves and everything seemed to be ok. Pictures were taken, videos were made, we openly discussed things we wanted to try. This went on for awhile, then we hit a dry spell. He told me it was his medication and after a about 3 weeks, we were back to normal. We then started to drink more. Well, he did. We'd drink and play cards or whatever and then I couldn't keep his hands off me. The in October, we stopped drinking. We still had sex and I was honestly still nervous. I still could not bring myself to tell him what felt good and what didn't. Was I scared I was going to hurt his feelings? Yes. He was already shy, I didnt want to make it worse..well I did. Early November, after a night of drinking and from a dry spell of 2 weeks, we had sex, or at least tried. He might have lasted all of 5 minutes. Which could have been the liquor or the dry spell, either way I let out a very aggravated, drunk "You've got to be kidding me". And yes, I understand how horrible that was and I apologized the next day. I honestly wouldn't have cared, if he was like "let me finger you to get you off" or something but he doesnt offer. And he knows how much I love it. But then I have to show him what to do, which I am getting better at. So I can see where I'm at fault too.I know he does masturbate, cause he used to be very open with it. So I dont think its his endurance? We've had sex once after that, and I we were sober, took about 45 mins to actually start having sex and we might have been 10 mins in when he asked if I got off because he did awhile ago and didnt want to tell me. I pretty much rolled off him, said that wasnt cool and told him we'd discuss it later.

We'll we never did. And everytime I try, we get no where. Its almost like he doesnt hear me and changes the subject. We are a very strong couple besides the whole lack of sex. We are very close, we dont see each other everyday, mostly on the weekends but talk all the time. When we first started out, we used to dirty text each other, send pictures and make out. God, I love to make out, we never do anymore. We Kiss, but it goes no further. We still cuddle and sleep in the same bed and we're very affection otherwise. I've tried everything, to skimpy clothing, doing things that usually used to initiate sex, like kissing his neck or touching on of his hot spots. Nothing. And now when I mention something dirty or send a dirty text, it gets ignored.


I am now getting self-conscious. I invited him in the shower the other night, and I get "Im not the shower kind of guy" when he used to text me all the things he wanted to do to me in the shower. Heck, all he wanted for his birthday was sex, and he spent the whole night playing warcraft. I'm out of ideas. I don't want to badger him or make it seem like its all about sex, cause it isnt, but I don't want to be missing out. lately he has grinded with me when we've cuddled and I've grinded back and it ends there. I know, He's turned on and that he's hard but its like he won't take the next step. And I've been rejected to many times that I just can't take it anymore. The Old Me would have been able to come out and say "let's F*ck" and for some reason I cant.

I understand its all about communication, we ourselves have said that to each other. We talk about everything, personal or not. It just when it comes to sex, it's like we're both scared and I don't understand why. I'm sorry if I confused anyone, I just have alot on my mind and I just want to give enough information as possible. Does anyone have any experience with this?

Hi guys,
I was hoping you could give me some suggestions. I have many books having to do with the Law of Attraction and areas surrounding similar topics.
As I write this I am currently listening to Gregg Braden's "The Spontaneous Healing of Belief". I've been reading / listening to audiobooks (because sometimes I absorb better that way) many books over the past few years to learn more about applying the LOA and these positive methods to my life.

The problem is, a lot of these books talk a lot about how these things CAN be changed, how amazing feats CAN happen, and how amazing the whole thing is... but I feel as though very few actually give step-by-step ideas on HOW to really do this daily. How to truly change your entire vibration. I think the closest I've found are Jerry and Ester Hick's books... but I still feel like there must be something better out there.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me that would fit this need?

Thank you!

Don't weep.
The joy that has gone
will come `round again in another form –
Have no doubt about this!

A child's first joy
comes from its mother's milk;
After the child is weaned
his joy comes from drinking sweet wine.

This supreme joy has no resting place -
It enters one form then another,
from box to box – an eternal movement
between heaven and earth.

Here it comes, pouring down from the sky,
seeping into the earth,
and rising up again as a bed of roses.

Now it is water, now a plate of rice,
Now the swaying trees, now a horse and rider.
It lies within these forms for awhile
then bursts forth to become something new.

Isn't this like our dreams? –
The body sleeps
while the soul moves on
to take other forms.
You say,
I dreamt I was a cypress, a bed of tulips,
the blossoms of roses and jasmines.

Then the soul returns, and you wake up –
the cypress is gone, the roses are gone.

I tell you truly,
everything you now see
will vanish like a dream.

I do not mean to trouble you, O friend,
with words so bold as these.
Perhaps you will only listen to God.
He speaks more gently than I.

But how will you ever hear Him with
All that blathering going on? –
Everyone is speaking about golden bread
yet no one has ever tasted it!

O my soul, where can I find rest
but in the shimmering love of his heart?
Where can I see the pure light of the Sun
but in the eyes of my own Shams-e Tabriz?

-- Version by Jonathan Star

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Hey, I've made one other question post here before, and got a lot of helpful advice/tips, so I thought I'd ask another question :)
& I looked through the memories and I couldn't quite find what I was looking for, if I missed it, apologies!

To get to the point, my boyfriend isn't that fond of giving oral sex, he had never done it before me, and I was surprised he wanted to do it at all. He said early on in our relationship, that wasn't his thing, that he might do it if the girl asked, but he didn't really want to. Well, one evening he wanted too, and it went really great, for me that is.
I'm a really self-conscious person, and receiving oral can get uncomfortable for me, but the pleasure of it is enough for me to want it to happen.

But it's been about a month since that happened (we've been together 2 1/2 months), and he hasn't indicated it ever happening again. He said he has to be a specific mood for it, and he said these moods are rare.

Now, he gets about two blow jobs a day, for ever day I see him. Now I don't get to see him that often, since he goes to a university two hours away from where I'm at. But in our entire sex life, he receives more oral than we do anything else, at all. Blow jobs over PIV, fingering, very little attention towards me.

Now, he realizes the unequal sex life we have, and he said he was sorry, and he felt bad, and that I don't have to do all of this for him, if I want it a little bit more even.

But, I want it even, but not with me giving less head, because that will reduce our sex life, a TON. But I don't want him to do anything out of obligation. I want him to want to do it, I don't want him to do anything he's uncomfortable with or feeling forced to do.

Sorry, rambling!
I'm trying to change this. I'd like to even this out a little bit, to where I got more, but he'd be doing it more out of obligation than him truly wanting to do it, because if he wants to do something, he usually goes for it. I was wondering if anyone had any tips on ways to get a guy to enjoy giving pleasure a little bit more?
I realize to each their own, etc. But is their any general ideas anyone might have?

BTW. I'm not necessarily unhappy with the sex life I have with him, especially since he recognizes how unequal it is, but I really would like it to change.

Sorry for all of this rambling, I hope I got my point across. And thanks in advance everyone :)

So, yesterday was my partner's birthday, and in honor of that I think I'd like to do something that's completely out of the ordinary for us.

We have an informal but pretty much full-time D/s dynamic. I'm exclusively dominant-- I've never had any interest in subbing and the idea just doesn't get me off. My partner, however, is a switch, but for the course of our roughly year-and-some-change-long relationship, he has been submissive to me. We're poly and will occasionally play with friends, but he hasn't had another regular partner in over a year so he hasn't had much of a chance to express his toppy side. Because of all of this, I'd like to switch with him as a birthday present. We've talked about it a bit, and I know he's intrigued by the idea ("You mean, you'll let me do to you all of the horrible things you've done to me?!"), and his enthusiasm is infectious. Besides, I've never really seen him top before, and I want to know what his style is.

Obviously we'll be doing a lot of talking about the specifics before anything happens, but I'll be honest-- I need some general encouragement. What can I do drop the dom mindset for a few hours? Will adding some sort of role play dynamic make it easier? Part of me feels like being "someone else," like in a role play scene, will help me get away from seeing things the way I normally do. I have a bit of a masochistic streak, but usually when it surfaces, I want to go blow-for-blow-- I like play that's a battle. That's not what we're going for here, and I need to control my urge to not bite back.

I'm excited to try it and fairly certain that it'll be a great time, but in order for this to work, I really have to hand over the reins, something I've never done before. I'm happy to take the challenge, but I'm looking for suggestions for ways to shed my toppy inclinations and our usual dynamic for a few hours.

Switches, do you have any suggestions? Non-switches who have tried something like this before, how did it turn out? If you enjoyed it, what made it fun? What difficulties did you face?

(x-posted to sextips & askthekinksters)

1] Does anyone else think it feels better with a condom? When my boyfriend and I first started, we used condoms, but then once I got on my birth control again he stopped using them, and I don't enjoy it as much. It's still good, but everything feels better with it on. :\

2] A lot of the time when I have sex, I get sharp pains. My boyfriend is bigger than anyone else I've ever been with, so I'm assuming that's why, but it doesn't happen all the time. And when it hurts, it hurts. I kind of don't want to tell him, though, because other than that the sex is absolutely amazing and I don't want to ruin anything... for me or for him.

Any help is much appreciated. :)

What material should you shoot for when buying a dildo if you are sensitive to most anything in and around your vaginal region?

When a man like to wear pantiees and teddys on the bedroom but only wants to share this with a female,how do you about intoducing this

http://www.alovelinksplus.com/advice/the_dating_wizard/emotion-of-sexual-attraction.htm

I am female and I think this is 90% true, at least for me, even if I hate admitting it.

What do you think?

My partner is frustrated because it's not necessarily that he doesn't want to have sex, it's just that he doesn't care if he does or not. And when we do have sex, he says it takes him forever to actually get off, if he even does at all.

He just started taking Zoloft about two and a half weeks ago.

For those of you with partners who are on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety pills, and have fallen victim to the whole, 'lack of sex drive' thing, how do you cope? Clearly there's masturbation, but it's not the same. How do you make sure that when you do end up having sexy time, it's especially meaningful (considering you're probably not going to get it again for a week or so)? How do you make sure as to not pester them with the huge difference in sex drives? Also, how does your partner feel/what are they going through? I don't know if that's too personal or not, if it is, disregaurd the last question.

Thanks everyone!

I check the memories and in the "lack of interest" it talks about people who had sex then stopped...

However, Ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year (11 months) and we have NEVER had sex. Neither of us are virgins. I'm 18 and he is 20. I have a very high sex drive but he just does not want to have sex but fails to give me a good reason. Ive asked him a lot of times and hes changed his reason about 3 times so i dont know what to believe. He does not have a problem getting it up or finishing because we constantly have foreplay but it never goes beyond that. One time, i wanted to spice up our foreplay (i might as well, right?) and i got him in a position where he thought I was asking him to put it in and he IMMEDIATELY went soft...He said it was because he didnt want to so it made him nervous and he lost his erection. I know hes sexually attracted to me because sometimes i cant keep his hands off of me. But honestly, im very bored at only getting boring foreplay and I have actually got to the point where ive lost sexual interest in him...

I just dont understand why he does not want to have sex. What gives?

I looked in the memories and found alot about painful sex, but nothing about my problem.

I lost my virginity two and a half years ago, and since then have had sex with 7 guys. I love hooking up with guys: I love kissing, hand jobs, blow jobs, etc, and I love the cuddling that happens after, but I really just have not been able to make myself enjoy sex. I always want to have sex, but then once we actually go at it, I just can't wait for it to be over. A few nights ago I was with my current hookup buddy, and we started having sex, but after a few minutes, I just had to stop. I felt really bad for stopping in the middle, especially since he was so concerned that he did something wrong.

Any advice to start liking sex more?

alright, my boyfriend and i have GREAT sex!! we really do, but latley he has "forgotten" about paying attention to me. i always give him head, and pay attention to his needs, wants and desires, but its like im servicing him and getting nothing in return. it never used to be this programed. its like the same things every night. do i just deal with it? or how do i get him to pay more attention to me with out being rude or "demanding? "

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